Reasons to date me – I’m too ugly to be stolen and sometimes I’m funny…

So I’ve been out of action for a little while on my blog as I’ve been working hard at my university placement. I haven’t had time for much else not least for relationships, so a few weeks ago I thought I would give plenty of fish (POF) another go. I’ve been on POF numerous times and each time I tell myself never again, it is the worst dating site in history! Never the less I found myself drawn back into scrolling through the Don Juan’s in my area, favouriting people and fielding messages like “ I like my woman like I like my chips”. Genuine message!!

So if there is one thing I’ve learnt from my numerous attempts at internet dating, it’s that men and woman are on different levels. Hell they might as well be on different planets. For men it’s much more a visual aid, they scroll through the pictures of the woman and if they like what they see they hit her up with a message. For woman it’s all about the profile and whether he can hold a conversation that goes beyond the mundane “Hey what you been up to?”

The guys that can hold a conversation are few and far between let me tell you. So I decided that to get any success I would have to put my best self forward on my profile. So I selected my best photos to display, you know the kind, the ones you have filtered to fuck on Instagram and I wrote a little about me. Just the basics because guys don’t read a thing on your profile anyway. I know this because they ask me questions that had they actually read my profile they would already know the answer to. Simple things like “what’s your name?” which usually secures much eye rolling from me.

Anyway day one and I get the usual message from Marcus the founder of POF about how the site is successful and he hopes I find my king. I’d like to inform Marcus that in all the goes I’ve given this the only guys I have had the pleasure to meet are the #kingofdickheads! There really should be a filtering option that ensures the bad fish don’t slip through the net. Alas there is not so my net is full of fish, crabs, whales, sharks – you name it I have the whole fucking ocean to wade through to find my Lobster! (Those who watch Friends will understand that reference).

Back to Day one and I have received around 10 messages and 50 or so would like to meet me. Some of the messages were pretty standard but I found myself bored out of my brain after the initial small talk. I got suckered in a few times that day by the charmers who had the gift of the gab, drew me in to a nice conversation where I began to think hmm this guy seems nice, then BAM half an hour in and I am receiving dick pics! Two things I’d like to add!

Please ask! If a woman does not ask for a dick pic and trust me she never will, do not send them! Why men think woman enjoy these little delights I will never know. If you think woman swoon over these pictures wondering what they are missing your WRONG! As soon as that hits my inbox I hit DELETE and BLOCK. I can guarantee at least 5 other woman have received the same picture and are all thinking, if he can show me that after 5 minutes of talking what is he doing with other girls. Relationship material he is not!Woman like mystery, if after 30 mins you are showing her what you have to offer, what is there for her to chase after? She already has you where she wants you. Woman get turned on by what they hear not by what they see and no that doesn’t mean she wants to dirty sext text you! Show her who you are, what makes you you. What do you have to offer aside from the D and when you do finally meet her it will be a welcome surprise!

So I continue the day receiving all sorts of weird and wonderful messages and finally find a guy that actually ticks most of the boxes. So I give him my number. BIG mistake! HUGE! I start to receive messages thick and fast asking me what I am doing, where am I etc. Well mate I’m doing the same thing I was 5 mins ago when you asked is my reply in my head but I politely answer in the only way I know how “I’m at home watching TV”!

The only message I was receiving here was not that he was keen but that he was desperate. I go out for a few hours and kept receiving numerous messages, I was reading them but didn’t have time to respond. I then get a succession of messages and phone calls along the lines of. “If you didn’t like me, why have you led me on?” “I can see your reading my messages, I guess you are with someone else” and my favourite – “I thought you were the one but if you can’t even bother to text me back then I guess I was wrong, don’t contact me again”. This last message was followed by a ten minute reprieve and then 10 missed calls and a voicemail saying he didn’t mean it and can I text him back when I get a chance. I can safely say that there was no chance left, that ship had well and truly sailed! There are no words that I could use to express how I felt about this scenario, I’m just glad I didn’t give him my address and the block facility on my phone works!

Still even though everything in me is screaming to run from this site and meet someone the natural way, I continue on for the next few days with my search. I learnt a few tips that helped me filter down the options, so if you like me are an online dater these are some things to watch out for.

If they don’t have a profile picture something’s up. I’m not saying everyone who doesn’t dare to put their picture online is weird or not who they say they are but in my experience if there is no picture there is usually a reason why. I’m not shallow so I will still talk to guys without pictures and I have met some really nice guys doing this. This is dangerous though because you build up a picture in your mind of who you think is messaging you (usually a Tom Hardy image) and then when you do finally see them it can either be a disappointment or a pleasant surprise. So heads up.If their profile says they are 6ft, athletic and a CIA agent. They are lying. I don’t need to elaborate just know they are lying!If they make excuses about why they can’t meet up. They have something to hide. Granted it could be nerves but if you are on a dating site chances are you are expecting to meet someone in person. If they can’t do this they either have a girlfriend/boyfriend or they are not who they say they are.

I guess the message is to just be careful, you don’t know what kind of crazy is out there waiting to pounce on your already vulnerable self!

I guess I should balance this out a bit because I know I am not selling online dating. It does work sometimes, I know a few couples who have met through this forum. Here’s my little success story so far…

After around a week of being on this site I had a message from this god damn gorgeous guy! He was amazing both in looks and personality. Within an hour I was hooked! I genuinely thought this guy was too good to be true. I wanted him to like me, I wanted to talk to him all the time and I couldn’t concentrate on anything at all. After a couple of weeks of talking non- stop I decided to bite the bullet and meet this guy! I was so nervous! We had talked on Skype and via telephone but I had a niggling feeling that he just wouldn’t like me in person. I kept thinking he is gunna rock up off the coach take one look at me and beg to be let back on it never to talk to me again! Man I’m insecure! I don’t know what he was thinking and at first it was all a little bit awkward but a few rums later and all my doubts melted away. Apart from placating friends and family by text that I was in fact fine and I hadn’t been murdered or kidnapped to join a satanic cult I had the best weekend with this guy. I am planning to see him again in a few weeks as he lives in London.

So for now POF is disabled, no more wading through that ocean for me right now and who knows I may have just found my Lobster!!

POF I don’t know whether to thank you for the ordeal I’ve been through the past few weeks or thank you for allowing me to meet a great guy.

For the people on POF if you sign up to it hoping not to meet a few crazies you’re going to have a hard time… Just be open minded and make sure your block button works!

Good Luck!!

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