So i thought I’d tell you a bit about my hateful week in the hope that maybe someone might be able to outdo me in the luck stakes and make me feel better.
It’s wednesday and i’ve been to heathrow airport twice since last week and I’ve spent roughly over £400. “Been somewhere nice?” i hear you ask. Well i was waiting for the india flight, sounds like heaven right? But i was actually dropping off and picking up my sister who’s had the best time of her life travelling around delhi. I’d love to sit and tell you how i too went to india and had the time of my life or even somewhere equally as exotic where i relaxed without a care in the world. But No! Little old me didn’t get a nice little holiday with cocktails and sunbeds, instead i had a great view of the M25 and the front of the rac truck, not once but TWICE!
Let me say it again then it might actually sink in! I have spent over £400 travelling to the airport and back this week and my destination of choice was the hard shoulder of the bastard M25!! You couldn’t make this shit up. So today i am licking my wounds and feeling sorry for myself!.
Here’s how it started… last monday i set off at 15:30 travelling up to the airport, sister in tow, to drop her off to a holiday of a lifetime. I spent a little time at the airport wishing her a great week. A hug goodbye and i set off back to the carpark with my ticket in hand. Insert ticket. 3 hours stay – please pay £13.70 to exit! £13.70!! I almost choked on my starbucks! I don’t even pay that for an overnight carpark in town! However, feeling robbed i paid and got to my car. Got to the barrier and it opened without me even inserting the paid ticket! So i came out of heathrow already raging and took the wrong exit. I ended up in staines, pitch black and with no satnav because my phone had died. i was panicked but i did manage to navigate my way onto the motorway. Feeling more comfortable i was cruising along, tunes blaring and tearing up the road thinking about the burger king i would enevitably get in the services on the way home. The burger king i had starved myself and waited all day for. Then suddenly i heard a bang and the windwiper cut out. I was travelling 70mph on the motorway in the pouring rain and it wasn’t just any rain, no as luck would have it the heavens opened that night for me. So shit scared panicked and with no hardshoulder to pull over onto because of the road works i had to lean over to the passenger side where the wiper was working and carry on driving erractically and cutting people up left right and centre until i could pull off at the next junction. Imagine the scene from ace venturer and you’ll see where i was at. If it hadn’t been for the thought of the burger king i would have seriously considered driving straight into the central reservation and be done with it.
So got to a safe spot and called rac knowing that i had cancelled my policy 2 months previously. £150 later i was a full paid up member again and awaiting the rac truck. 1 hour passed – still waiting. 2hours passed – still waiting. 3 hours alas i am saved! Nope unhelpful rac man couldn’t fix it and he could tell this just by lifting the bonnet and looking, not even touching one single thing on the car. Man got crazy skills! So freezing cold and dying to get home i enquire about a tow truck. “Yes madam he replies but it will be another hour”! By this point i am contemplating going to the nearest premier inn and leaving the car there for scrap. But i waited, the tow truck came and i had a lovley drive home chatting to the driver and arrived home at 2am. I didnt get my burger king! The following 2 days were spent with my car in the garage being fixed and yet another £100 odd quid.
The rest of the week went along quite blissfully. Then i thought I’d treat myself to a car wash on sunday. Pulled in waiting expectantly for it to begin and excited at the prospect of driving around in my shiney car. The car wash started and then i feel wet on my shoulder. No it wasn’t a figment of my imagination, actual water was pouring into my window. Once again panic ensued and im debating whether to just drive out mid car wash. Instead i held up my coat to catch the water and waited and waited and waited for it too finally finish. Maybe your thinking it just felt like a long time because i was panicked. That wasnt the case, it genuinley was atleast 7 mins long because flash bitch that i am, i bought a platinum wash! 7 minutes i waited for a thorough wash and double dry!
In the grand scheme of my week this little incident didn’t seem so bad so i left and made a note to check on the gap in the window soon.
And breathe! So tuesday arrived- valentines day and we all know how i felt about that. I set out at 15.30 again to collect my sis from heathrow. Again, a leisurley drive up and i get there, greet my sister and we set off back for the car. Ticket machine is up again and asks me to pay £7 for an hours parking. By this time i was used to the robbing bastard car park so i paid and left, got to the barrier and low and behold it opened again without me displaying my paid ticket. I literally could have screamed!
We set off and everythings going well, i had my trusty satnav so no getting lost for me and we talked about the holiday. Half an hour onto the M25 and the car cuts out in the middle lane. No lights, no pedals,no nothing. I put the hazards on and pull onto the tiny patch of hard shoulder. Car doesn’t want to start. So back on the phone to the rac. “Ok miss wells, where are you on the motorway” i have no idea where i am, there are no signs,its pitch black and theres millions of cars zooming past at 80mph + and you want one of us to go walking up the hard shoulder to find a sign for you to locate us. “Ok mary we’ve diced with death now thats done,how long will you be”
“40 mins miss wells but it could be sooner, can you stand out of your car and behind the barrier and wait” 2 hours and 30 mins stood in the freezing cold, jodie in her holiday clothes and me in tank top and mules the truck finally arrived. The rac man another one with bare skills looks up and says it seems to be running fine can you drive it down to the services though so i can just check, ill follow you. Cue us getting back into the car, by this time i’m in a state and take the wrong turning, the rac guy has lost me, we are in the wilderness with a dud car and i have no means to call him because they use a private number. We get to civilisation and i silently pray we can pull over safely we just need to get past this roundabout. As my luck would have it again, god had other ideas, i have now cut out on a 3 lane roundabout, smack bang in the middle. Do you feel sorry for me yet?
Cut all the other bullshit and we are finally going to be towed home! Horray! Then as if i wasn’t already suicidal the rac man tells me he will take my payment. What now! Payment! i have rac membership? Turns out my new membership doesn’t cover over 10 miles breakdown. “That will be £191 please miss wells”. Steam is coming out of my ears, my sister is on the verge of tears having been travelling for 19 hours at this point. I want to punch the guy in the fucking head. Instead in desperation i paid it and we were towed home. I arrived home at midnight pissed off, tired and skint.
I had once again starved myself with the expectation of getting a burger king again. That moment never arrived and the irony is i now can’t even afford a 99p meal let alone a double bacon cheese burger i had hopes for. Dreams were dashed yesterday and i don’t think I’ll ever recover.
Today has been spent arguing with rac on the phone for a refund, because my sister had full cover and they wouldn’t let us transfer it to her membership. I also called my garage and the car can’t be fixed until tuesday and will cost me a further £150.
So the upshot is i have no money, no car, and no burger king! I have spent hundreds of pounds on a simple airport run and when i got home i got a lovley magnet from india. But i really hope my sister had a great holiday
Please pray for me