In the last few weeks I’ve learnt a few things about myself
1. I can survive on pretty much no sleep.
2. I enjoy spending weeks of my life staring at a giraffes fanny.
3. I am a qualified armchair vet.
When i am old and weary i will remember the weeks I’ve spent engrossed waiting for April the giraffe to give birth! Giraffe cam has taken over my life! I have invested so many nights now waiting for this miracal to happen when lets face it i could easily just google it and watch a birth via you tube in a matter of minutes, but like the other thousands of people watching the live cam i want to be apart of April’s journey.
I watch on the facebook live feed and night after night I’ve sat staring at her backside waiting to see some tiny hooves. When i see her backside swell, i sit there palms sweating, heart racing talking to the screen saying “it’s happening”. Anyone would think i was up for a nobel prize the way i carry on! Then my excitement turns to sheer dissapointment when it’s not the hooves emerging but her 20th shit of the day!
I really thought last night was the night. I was up until 2.45am watching her spread her legs and strain to find she’s just lulling me into a false sense of security. Is this an April fools joke? Will i be one of a thousand people tricked into watching a giraffe for several weeks just to entertain the masses. Please prove me wrong April and show me those hooves! I’m even talking to her now, and im not the only one, the live feed entertains me immensley. I’ve sat through weeks of grown ass woman and men talking to April like she’s a person. I’ve heard phrases such as
“April, I’m back again, did you miss me?”
“Give April some space guys, she’s nervous about giving birth infront of all these people”
And my personal favourite…
“April, i know today is the day, it’s my daughters wedding day, and i know god is looking down on us and you’d wait to give birth on this day to make it extra special for me”
3 things to discuss here…
Are giraffes aware of cctv cameras watching them? Do they have feelings for people they’ve never been in contact with? and are they aware of special occassions?
No that’s what i thought. Yet there are thousands of people communicating with a giraffe all thinking they are someone special to her when lets be honest her thought process doesn’t go much beyond “when is feeding time?”
Now i know i said i have been talking to her aswell but mine has been gentle coaxing ‘come on April’ in the privacy of my own home. I mean, is it me? Do the crazies just come out when im tuned in? Or is this talking and idolising a giraffe a thing now? I despair!
Several things have happened due to the live giraffe cam on facebook. New facebook groups have popped up ‘friends of april’ and ‘friends of april recipes’ i kid you not theres nothing like discussing aunty marys famous bread and butter pudding whilst watching a giraffe spread her legs and take a shit. Nothing like it..
I feel a slither of sympathy for the few men that comment in complete dispair, they haven’t had a cooked meal for weeks and they’ve been wearing the same top for several days because their wives can’t tear themselves away from the screen for fear they will miss the birth. Heres a novel idea for you though chaps. Get up and do it yourself! I said a slither of sympathy!
I’ve learnt so much over the weeks, i know that sandy from texas likes mars bars and that shelley from liverpool does her washing on wednesdays. I know more about these people then my own family but most of all I’ve learnt that i could have been a vet. I’m now qualified in all things giraffe, i can tell you when April’s tail goes up she’s just having a shit, when she lifts up her left leg she’s just keeping balance and when she comes up to the camera sticking her tongue out she’s not asking for food she’s saying hello to us all… i know when shes ready to give birth, I’ve studied her, i can see the signs and i got this qualification just by staring at a screen for weeks, who knew being a vet was so easy!
There is one thing I’m excited for, the naming competition. I’ve thought long and hard about it, I’m coming up against stiff competition. Idea’s like ‘storm’ and ‘unity’ have been put forward but i think mine is logical and has a nice ring to it.
Not only is it a powerful name but its the name of the giraffe from the sponsers ‘toys r us’. It’s such an underated name and it has the added bonus of alliteration. #geoffrey get behind it people!
In all seriousness i love watching April and i think the animal park do a wonderful job. The group has me laughing well into the small hours and i suppose i will have to go back to watching normal tv soon but for now on this friday evening I’m going to enjoy watching a giraffes fanny waiting for the miracal of life…
Have a great weekend