We all know someone who has been affected by cancer. I’m no exception. My dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer some years ago and that day broke all our hearts. It still continues to break mine every time I look at my dad.
My dad’s a Phil Mitchell type, hard, solid, and god forbid he show any emotion ha. Still he’s always been the type of dad who wasn’t so much hands on but you always knew he’d come running if you needed him. The protector.
I’ve always thought of my dad as strong and never more so then I do today. He’s strong because of what he’s been through, what he’s survived. Not just with the cancer but with the numerous other illnesses that keep getting thrown at him. Yet he still continues to get up and fight a battle he never chose.
I’m so proud of him. I hope he knows that. I don’t say it often enough but I love you dad. I love you for your perseverance, your fight in the face of adversity and your sheer resilience when it would be so easy for you to give up. But most of all I love you most for the way you love us girls and for the way you love our mum. (We love you too you know more than words could describe.) And not forgetting ruby, she couldn’t wish for a grandad to love her more and do more for her than you do and I will be forever thankful for that.
The word cancer has taken centre stage in our family for so long now but I know despite the continuious worry that we are lucky to still have you here when it could be so different. I will never get used to waiting to see if your results are clear, it’s a worry I can’t even describe. So I can’t even imagine what you must fear each time you go to that hospital. I know your life has changed considerably since your operation but i want you to know that your not kenny who had cancer to me or kenny who has that illness. Your just dad, no labels and the man who I love unconditionally and despite things changing the dad I’ve always known is still there, still making us laugh and pissing us off in equal measures. Ha. You are so much more then your illnesses.
When someone you love gets cancer or any serious illness for that matter it makes you question things. What’s Important? What matters to you?. Life isn’t infinite, it can be over in the blink of an eye and worrying over whether the house is tidy or what shoes your gunna wear is just not worth your time. The things that matter when you belong to this exclusive club are the laughs you share as a family, the memories you make and the love between you. That’s what keeps you strong and holding on. Im guilty of it myself, I can moan about the most trivial thing with the best of em. That’s life I guess. But when I sit back and really evaluate my life I realise I’m lucky. I’m lucky that I have two parents who have shown me that when life kicks you in the balls you get up each and every time and start again. A quality that I hope I have gained from both my parents and will instill in my own child. I guess cancer does that to a family. It makes you see the beauty of life whilst in the darkness of it.
I won’t be there tomorrow dad when you face that doctor and put on the brave face you always do but know that I will be thinking of you and my hope that you get the all clear is unwavering. I’m not a little girl anymore and I don’t need protecting from the harsh reality of your life. If you need me I’m here. Always. I hope I haven’t upset you with this post I just thought it was about time you knew how much I love you…
October is cancer awareness month for some. For all those who have fought it, beat it, continue to fight or have lost the battle. You are not alone. You are stronger and braver than you believe. Don’t give up because I can guarantee that for every time you’ve said you’ve had enough and haven’t any hope left. You have people who love you standing beside you with enough hope and strenght to carry you through.